Buckeyes in the NFL Playoffs

Malcolm Jenkins.

Which of our beloved former Bucks are in the playoffs this year? Does anyone have a shot at a ring? A chip, as they say. Is Ted Ginn Jr still around? We know about Chase Young, Terrorizing His Moment (trademark Chase Young), but who else? Is Michael Thomas still hurt? Let’s dive into each team, in game order for the weekend, and see who’s playing.

Game 1. Colts at Bills. Saturday Jan 9, 1:05PM Eastern. CBS.

• Colts: DE Tyquan Lewis. Tyquan is the only Buckeye on the Colts, so he has to hold down the fort. He’s in his 3rd year in the NFL and played in all 16 games this year in Indy. 24 tackles and 4 sacks. Single season buckeye receptions record holder, Parris Campbell, is on the injured reserve with a knee injury. He had 6 catches in 2 games this year before getting injured.
• Bills: The Bills have no Buckeyes on their team so you should definitely not bet on them. Sure, they’re 13-3 and look really good. But how can they be? No buckeyes. Give me a fuckin break. Can we do a shout out here to Nate Clements? A great buckeye and an excellent pro. 180 career games for the Bills, 49ers, and Bengals. 184 passes defended, 36 INT’s, 9 TD’s (on punt returns, INT’s, a fumble returns). Here’s to you, Nate.

Game 2. Rams at Seahawks. Saturday Jan 9, 4:40PM Eastern. FOX.

• Rams: Safety Jordan fuller and Long Snapper Jake McQuaide. Fuller is a rookie and a badass, as I noted here. He finished the season with 60 tackles and 3 INT’s. Jake has been with the Rams for 10 years. 16 games played every year. 2x pro bowler. And he’s got no Buckeye history that I can find anywhere… granted I don’t really know how the internet works. Who the hell is this guy. Just a fuckin awesome long-snapper/robot.
• Seahawks: RB Carlos Hyde, still making shit happen. He’s on his 4th team in the last 3 years. Carlos has played 90 games in 7 seasons and is approaching 5000 yards rushing for his career. 36 TD’s. Guard Alex Boone, ALSO still making shit happen. 106 career games but just one this year. 5453 career snaps and 23 total penalties. That seems good, but how the fuck should I know? He did not play in 2018 or 2019, but it doesn’t look like it was because of an injury or anything. He made a comeback this year and was on the Seahawks practice squad until being promoted to the active roster for the last regular season game. So I don’t imagine he’ll play a whole lot unless shit goes real sideways.

Game 3. Buccaneers at Washington. Saturday Jan 9, 8:15PM Eastern. NBC.

• Buccaneers. Tompa Bay: There are no Bucks on this team because the TB12 diet doesn’t sit well with our midwestern constitutions. #organicglutenfreeandraw. They do have an honorary Buckeye though – Antoine Winfield Jr! Antoine Jr is a rookie and the number of years between his age and Tom Brady’s age can legally drink (Tom Brady is old). Antoine Sr, obviously, is one of the all-time great Buckeyes who also had a great, 14-year career with the Bills and Vikings. Junior started all 16 games this year for the Bucs (see even THAT works). He had an interception and 94 tackles and has super-wholesome game debriefs with his dad on FaceTime.
• The Washington Professional Football Team: The man, the myth, the legend Chase Young. 44 tackles, 7.5 sacks, 4 forced fumbles, 3 recoveries and a 57 yd TD. And a pro bowl. And a showdown with Tom Brady. Get to the QB Chase! Don’t break him in half, though. We wouldn’t want that. Also, Dwayne Haskins… shit, sorry. Obviously, Terry McLaurin. Over 2000 yards receiving in his first 2 seasons and 11 TD’s, Terry has caught passes this season from Haskins, Comeback Player of the Year Alex Smith (I’m legally required to type that), Terd Ferguson, and Mark Rypien. And he’s questionable for the game Saturday night. So, the only option for Alex might be Tight End extraordinaire – NATIONAL CHAMPION Marcus Baugh! Marcus only had 1 catch for 2 yards this year, so maybe that’s a little bit of an over-sell. Maybe he could play QB when the tissue paper holding Alex Smith’s leg together gets damp.

Game 4. Ravens at Titans. Sunday Jan 10, 1:05PM Eastern. ABC/ESPN.

• Ravens: JK Dobbins. Finished the season with 800 yards and 9 TD’s. 6 yards per carry. Give JK the damn ball! Apparently the Titans are bad at defense (24th in points allowed and 28th in yards allowed). So maybe JK will go nuts. The Ravens also have linebacker Malik Harrison, another rookie who’s had a solid season.
• Titans: No Buckeyes on the active roster, but they do have head coach Mike Vrabel, who looks like he could still smash some people. In his 3rd year, Mike has 3 winning seasons – going 11-5 this year. Is this the best of all the games this weekend? Lamar and Dobbins vs Derrick Henry and Tannehill? Pretty good. Henry had 2000 yards this season and looks like the Rock in the Rock/Vin Diesel fight sometimes (like, WAY bigger. Seriously – the Rock is 6 foot 5. It says Vin is 6ft but I call bullshit.).

Game 5. Bears at Saints. Sunday Jan 10, 4:40PM Eastern. CBS.

• Bears: No Buckeyes on the Bears, but they have several dudes from Oregon State, if that helps. So, bet on the Saints, obvs. Also, only because I think it’s hilarious, one of the Bears QB’s is Nick Foles, who is referred to as Big Dick Nick, for some reason. And people who like their other QB, Mitch Trubisky, are referred to as Trubiskaholics. Ted Ginn Jr. was on the Bears this year but only had 3 catches and is not on the active roster.
• Saints: Michael Thomas has been injured for a lot of the year and is still on the injured/reserve list, but he has been practicing so WE SHALL SEE. Mike only had 40 catches this year, which is pretty good for your run of the mill wideout. But, you see, Mike had like 150 catches and 1700 yards last year, so this year sucked. Anyway, hopefully he can have some playoff success. On D the saints have 2 badasses – Marshon Lattimore and Malcolm Jenkins. Marshon’s in his 4th season with the Saints – 10 career INT’s and 230 tackles. Jenkins just finished his 12th regular season. He’s back with the Saints (4 years, $32M!), where he spent the first 5 years of his career after they picked him 14th overall in the 2009 draft. 2014 to 2019 he spent with the Eagles, where he went to 3 pro bowls. Malcolm also has 2 super bowl rings (Saints 2009, Philly 2017). He has a charity (The Malcolm Jenkins Foundation), an initiative called Let’s Listen Together, where he talks to police leaders, and from Wikipedia, “has met on Capitol Hill with legislators, written an opinion-editorial in The Washington Post, and signed a letter to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell explaining his perspective on the issues.” Future Senator Jenkins, amirite. I’ll do a bigger thing on him at some point. Anyway – go big on the Saints.

Game 6: Cleveland at Pittsburgh. Sunday Jan 10, 8:15PM Eastern. NBC.

• Cleveland: As of Saturday morning, no Buckeyes are listed on the active roster. Denzel Ward appears to be out… not sure if he’ll be activated for the game or not. Also, their coach is out with The Rona.
• Pittsburgh: Big Ben was not a Buckeye. Because we spelled his name wrong or something? No, actually it’s because John Cooper didn’t recognize him after he had just visited, so he cancelled his official visit. Huh. So the Steelers only have one – Defensive Tackle Cam Heyward. Heyward is fucking awesome, with 58 career sacks, 4x pro bowl, 2x All Pro. I mean, his dad’s nickname was Iron Head. It would be super-sad if Cam happened to smash Baker Mayfield into the ground a couple times. But, like, in a nice way.

So there you have it. Your Official Buckeye Guide to the Playoffs. 6 games, plus the Bucks vs. Bama on Monday. Guys, to paraphrase Bill Simmons from a podcast this week, take it easy and don’t get divorced because you’re watching so much football. Maybe take 5 or 10 minutes to acknowledge the other humans in your household. Or something.

-Eric